Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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