You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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