we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
