someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
