Apparently you make a good broom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
