Porn is love you can see.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
