every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
