I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need moral support for this bender
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
