I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
