I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
