glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
