Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
