I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
