We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
