i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
