I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
