mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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