I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
