Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
