Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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