Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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