Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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