No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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