He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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