I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
