How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
