i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
