We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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