she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
