She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
