is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
