something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
