"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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