he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
