Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
