its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
