All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
