May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
