I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
