I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My pussy is not your playground.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
