Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
