Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
