no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
