After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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