So gin and wine won't be happening again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
