my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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