yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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