At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
