Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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