I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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