my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
