If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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