he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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