dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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