I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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