your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
